I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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