ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Bring me that man meat
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
