May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
