GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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