i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
