He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
