I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
