I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
