You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
