Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
