Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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