party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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