just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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