You work out of a Hotel?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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