just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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