Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
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I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
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Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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