summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
