I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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