If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
