i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
