Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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