Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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