Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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