Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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