jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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