The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize