Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
