I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
