Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
