no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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