I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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