My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
