Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
