I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
