when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
only you would photoshop your dick
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
