you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
