My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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