my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
