We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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