I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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