saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
