So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
