I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
