checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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