Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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