Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's just like the Real World with babies
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
