My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
