you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
