He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
