I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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