I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
