I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
