I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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