How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
