Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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