People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this will be a night to untag.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
