Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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