If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
