But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
