So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I fill condoms, not promises.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
