I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
