Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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