Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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