Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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