so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
