It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
