Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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