I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
