omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
