At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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