He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
