how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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