Cold hands, warm shart.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
